Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
