Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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