her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
