we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
