So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
