MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
