So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just threw up on my dentist
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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