Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
