ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
