So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
