I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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