Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
