that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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