u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
