The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize