the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You took a bar mat shot.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
