What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
