We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
