Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cannot find my penis.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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