I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize