so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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