Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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