Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
