I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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