Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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