he told me I talked like a deaf person
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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