my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
