Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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