It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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