I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
