His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
