So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's always time for handjobs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
