come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
