there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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