how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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