and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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