Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
