I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
