did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize