Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
