he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
