No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
