sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
