he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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