there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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