So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
