i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
