so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
