so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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