2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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