I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
