The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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