He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
