I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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