My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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