Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
