i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
