So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize