ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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