Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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