i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
