I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
