I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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