Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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