Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
