YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
