lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
