Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
