i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
