Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
