considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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