Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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