Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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